You, too, were once a child…

Clients often have difficulty when a ‘new partner’ is introduced to the children. This is even more emotionally complicated when it’s the other parent’s new partner – not yours. It is entirely normal to feel threatened by the new relationship, or wondering how you measure up to this new person. Jealousy, insecurity, anger, resentment, sorrow – these are all entirely expected emotions.

It can be painful for clients to accept that their former spouse has another important person in their life, and it’s impossible to forever prevent the children from meeting the new partner.

The introduction of a new significant other into the life of your child should be a well contemplated occurrence.  There is a great deal of literature on the subject, yet there is no ‘one size fits all’.  Mediation offers a perfect opportunity for co-parents to negotiate when it’s appropriate to make introductions, how such introductions should be made and what boundaries might need to be respected. These terms can be spelled out in a Memorandum of Understanding or Separation Agreement, but clients need to accept that some situations are beyond anyone’s control.

Ultimately, it is up to each party to use their best judgment and parental instinct.  Put yourself in your child’s shoes: when first meeting a new boyfriend or girlfriend - would you be confused? Would you feel sorrow?  Resentment?  Anger?  Neglect?  Take your time when introducing a new partner to your children.  Respect yourself; respect your former partner; and your child. 

Think like an adult by remembering the ‘child in you’.