Don't Let Your Divorce Define You

There is no question that divorce is one of life’s most challenging events; dreams are shattered and your heart is in a state of seeming disrepair, and when you add children to the equation you are faced with a situation that may appear insurmountable…

The thought of putting ’one foot in front of the other’ and facing each new day can be nothing but an exhausting uphill battle.  The idea of trusting again, and certainly of finding new love, may be the furthest thing from your mind. 

 All the literature and all the advice points to the same findings – it’s okay to feel sad, and it’s okay to feel anger with the loss you are experiencing.  Allow yourself the time to experience your emotions.  Keep your friends and family close.  Get the help and support you need.  Accept the loss.  Take on a new hobby.  Spend some time alone.  Create a new you.

Enjoy time with your children; you are their support and they need time to accept this life change.  Listen to them, acknowledge their concerns and offer reassurance about a bright future.  Think of what you want for your children.  Ultimately, you want them to see you happy and fulfilled. 
Create a new working relationship with your ex-spouse.  Keep all lines of communication open and remind yourself that it is in your children’s best interest for parents to maintain a solid, professional co-parenting relationship.

You will know when it’s time to begin dating again.  If you are a parent, this can be tricky but engaging in a new relationship, when the time is right, may be the greatest testament to love and commitment. Your children will come to realize that this is the foundation used to bring them into this world. It’s okay that your children see that you can be happy and once again, emotionally fulfilled by another adult.

Sometimes, children assume the heavy burden of being responsible for a parent’s happiness after the separation has occurred, and this is a tragic mistake. When your children see you happy, they will ultimately be unleashed from feeling responsible for your happiness. 

Remember that whereas feeling pity and loss may have no defined time frame, life does.  Divorce is only one chapter in your very own ‘book of life’ and it is crucial not to allow this life occurrence to define you. 

It is not your final chapter.